They Have No Idea

Last night, I was invited to go to dinner with Chris' boss and his wife. Normally, there would be no hesitation. This time there was. Why? Because Chris himself would not be there. He is still in Florida, recruiting tennis players for his team. Truthfully, Chris being gone the last three days has sort of sucked, and I am more aware than ever of the need for us to make friends, and quickly. So, I accepted the invitation.

It went really well. There was another couple at dinner, so that lightened the load a bit. And the boss, who is also named Chris, is a nice guy, as is his wife, and they have a new baby... Now, most of you know me. You know that I am not really a baby person. I think they're cute, I think they're funny, but let's just say that my uterus doesn't skip a beat when I'm around them. But you also know that I love my nephew. I think he is the greatest kid in the world. And he has taught me a lot about love -- because I love him WAY more than I ever knew was possible. In fact, there have been several posts on this blog dedicated to my nephew (read here, here and here). Well, because of Cole, I can now hang in there with the best of them when talk turns to babies and the funny/annoying/amazing things they do, which it often does around new moms.

Last night, while the men were in the other room watching football, us women were in the living room talking while the boss' wife is trying to breastfeed her 10 week-old. And most of the conversation was about babies. Like I said, I can hang in there now and contribute to the conversation with the best of them -- though I do feel a little pathetic after a while, starting each sentence with "my nephew" or "my sister," but that is the only hands-on experience I have to speak of. Somehow, the baby conversation turns into a birthing conversation. I discover that both women in the room had a c-section -- one was even an emergency c-section, like Jaime's. Talk turns to surgery, hospitals, nurses, etc. Now that's something that I have personal experience with... But I had no words.

I just kept thinking, "They have no idea. They have no idea what I've been through, what my family has been through, what my sister has been through. They have no idea..." And I am discouraged. Cole's traumatic birth and Jaime's even more traumatic brain surgery have taken such a toll on me, and changed my life, and have become such a big part of my story. It wasn't that long ago. I don't know how to tell it to someone new. What's worse, I don't know if they care to hear it.

We need friends out here, of this I am keenly aware. We need people to support us, do life with us, lift us up in prayer. But making friends isn't like it was in elementary school. You can't just walk up to them and ask if they would like to be friends. This is going to be harder than I thought.

P.S. I know I was supposed to use this post to tell you about Christmas, and I will, but this was what was really on my heart.